Episode Details

Like many women, Brandi found herself asking, “Is my husband emotionally abusive?” The ramifications of learning this can seem overwhelming.

To find out if you’re experiencing any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take our free emotional abuse test.

1. Your Husband Is Emotionally Abusive If He Lies

Emotional abuse victims state that his constant lying is one of the worst parts of his emotional abuse.

Lies are emotionally abusive, because hiding the truth from you is one way he manipulates your emotions. This emotional manipulation is calculated to control the narrative and maintain his ability to exploit you.

Lying is not just stating the opposite of something you know to be true. There are many different kinds of lies that emotionally abusive husband’s use:

• Lies of commission: this is a lie that is blatant. “I didn’t use pornography yesterday” (when he did use pornography yesterday).
• Lies of omission: he used pornography yesterday, you didn’t ask or discover anything to ask about, and he didn’t disclose it to you. This is a form of lying just as serious as a lie of commission. It is also marital coercion.
• Detraction: this is a powerful and manipulative form of lying. This involves telling some of the truth while also inserting some kind of emotion that detracts from what he has just said. “I only used pornography for an hour yesterday. Aren’t you proud of me? I was so excited to tell you because that’s the shortest amount of time I’ve ever used it and I’m making progress. I’m going to call my sponsor, I know he’ll be so happy for me, just like you are!”
• Fine-Grain lies: he knows what you are asking, because he intentionally withholds the truth: “I didn’t use pornography yesterday.” (when he did use it TODAY).
• Exaggeration: yes, exaggeration in the hands of an emotional abuser is absolutely a form of lying. It’s a way to dumb down the abusive behavior and withhold important truth from the partner. “I only used pornography for ten minutes yesterday” (when he used it for hours).

Any other form of manipulation or withholding of truth. When your partner says or does anything to deceive you from knowing or fully understanding the entire truth, he’s lying to you. Any time that he obstructs you from discerning the truth, he is lying to you. Lying is emotional abuse.

2. Blaming: What Your Husband Uses to Emotionally Abuse You

After discovering betrayal, women will often look at themselves to determine what they did to cause the betrayal.

An emotionally abusive husband will use this as an opportunity to manipulate his wife into thinking it’s her fault. He’ll blame her to:

• Avoid responsibility and accountability
• Pretend like he’s a victim of his own pornography use or other abusive be