Episode Details

A lot of people say marriage is hard work. But what if it’s not? What if healthy marriage is easy and what you’re going through is something else?

What if Marriage is Only Hard When…

The so-called “hard work” of marriage may stem from unforeseen external circumstances, like health challenges, financial strain, or extended family issues for a short period. If your marriage is hard work, all of the time, it may be due to unseen harm inflicted by your husband through emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse. It’s often difficult to see that his behavior is manipulative or coercive. Take our free emotional abuse test to find out.

And what’s worse, when we try to get help by going to couple therapy, or maybe clergy, or even friends and family, they don’t help. They often just say what everybody else does – “marriage is hard work.” If you need live support, attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session today.

Because we’re kind and empathetic, of course, we’re going to give our husband the benefit of the doubt, reframing what’s going on. We may say, “he’s just stressed” or “having a bad day.”

We may also blame ourselves for not being able to make our relationship work (I know I did), not realizing that his exploitative character doomed the “relationship” from the start. So let’s find out if this is going on in your relationship.

Does the Hard Work of Marriage Involve these 6 things?

If the hard work you’re talking about involves these 6 things, it’s likely there’s something else going on:

1. Confusion
2. Going For Help (Over and Over)
3. The Wrong “Diagnosis” (Several Times)
4. Despair
5. Abuse Education
6. Making Your Way To Emotional Safety

Here’s how these 6 things will show up if what you’re going through isn’t just the “hard work” of marriage.

Transcript: If People Say Marriage is a Hard Work, Here’s What They Don’t Know

Anne: All the abuse I talk about in Betrayal Trauma Recovery is hidden.

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Community is a community for women who trying to figure out how to improve their marriage.

1. Is Confusion Part of the Hard Work of Marriage?

[Women know when something is wrong. We often don’t know what the issue is if there are cycles of confusion.] We resist by trying to figure out what’s going on. Most victims blame themselves or believe marriage is hard work.

So, we try harder to improve our safety by learning to comm