Episode Details

If you’ve been betrayed by your husband, you’ve probably replayed every conversation in your head. What he said. What it meant. Here are six things a cheating husband says that may seem innocent—or even remorseful—but are actually manipulative and abusive.

1. Cheating Husband Says, “It’s because you were pregnant.”

At first, this sounds like a confession wrapped in vulnerability.
But let’s be clear: blaming betrayal on your pregnancy is a covert form of abuse.

He’s saying, “You made me do this.”
He’s shifting responsibility for his betrayal onto your body, your choices, and your vulnerability.

This isn’t guilt—it’s manipulation.

2. “I’ve had this addiction since I was a kid.”

If your cheating husband says this, it might trigger your compassion—and that’s the point.

Yes, trauma is real. But past trauma is not a free pass to traumatize others.

When a man uses his childhood as a shield against accountability, he’s not trying to heal. He’s trying to keep you from leaving.

3. “Let’s” get help.

This one is tricky. At first, it seems like progress. Counseling. Support groups. Healing.

But what if he’s lying in those sessions? What if he’s telling the therapist half-truths—or worse, —or worse, repeating the kind of things a cheating husband says to shift blame onto you?

Many women spend years in therapy trying to “fix” the marriage, when the real issue is that he’s abusive, not confused.

4. “You’re just not supportive enough.”

If your cheating husband says you’re the problem, he’s counting on you to believe him.

Women in these situations often over-function—working double-time to prove they’re loving, patient, faithful. Meanwhile, he’s lying, gaslighting, and keeping secrets.

This isn’t a marriage. It’s a mind game.

5. “I’m sober now.”

He might say he’s changed. That he’s not using anymore.
But his actions don’t match. He’s distant. Emotionally cold. You feel invisible in your own home.

But in public? He’s pouring your coffee. Smiling like the perfect husband.

This tactic—acting loving in front of others while rejecting you in private—is covert emotional abuse.

6. “You’re emotionally Abusive.”

This one is the hardest. When you finally draw a boundary or leave, the cheating husband says you’re the toxic one.

He tells your church, your family, your friends:
“She’s crazy.”
“She ruined the marriage.”
“I tried everything.”

This tactic is called DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. And it’s one of the most psychologically damaging parts of betrayal.

Why It Hurts So Much

When your cheating husband says things like this, the trauma goes deeper than infidelity. It’s not just about sex or secrets. It’s about emotional coercion and psychological manipulation.

And if you feel confused, isolated, or like you’re slowly losing your grip on reality—you’re not crazy. You’re experiencing betrayal trauma.

What You Can Do Next

You deserve safety. Clarity. Truth. Take my free emotional abuse quiz to see if you’re experiencing this.

This interview dives deeper into one woman’s story. Pay attention and you’ll hear how her husband used every one of these to make her thing his cheating was her fault.

Transcript: 6 Things Cheating Husband Says

Anne: Kathleen a member of our community is on today’s podcast. S