Episode Details

Have you asked, “Can a husband sexually abuse his wife?” The answer is yes. When it happens, it’s difficult for a woman to understand what’s going on.

Do you need support? Learn about Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions.

Even when she does, her husband is rarely held accountable by therapists, clergy, and family – let alone the law.

Sexual abuse is a serious crime and victims suffer devastating trauma as a result of their abuser’s choices. But women can heal and find peace again with support, safety, and self-care.

Sandy, an incredibly courageous member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Community shares her story of intense and traumatizing betrayal and rape, and how she identified it abuse. Even when it was happening to her she didn’t know her husband was abusing her. Read the full transcript below.

Transcript: Can A Husband Sexually Abuse His Wife?

Anne: A member of our community. Sandy is on today’s episode. Not her real name, she’s using an alias. Because she’s going to be talking about how she experienced abuse. The perpetrator was her husband. We won’t go into details. Welcome, Sandy. Why don’t you just go ahead and start where you want to start.

A Husband Can Abuse His Wife By Sharing Explicit Photos

Sandy: It’s hard to know where to start because I feel like the timeline is complicated. I was raped by my husband and then about a week after that happened. I found out that there were pictures of me on pornography sites. They were two completely separate incidences because the pictures happened about eight years before. I just didn’t know about them until a friend of mine told me. She said I don’t think you know this but he puts pictures of you on pornography sites.

Anne: Wow. So you’re raped by your husband and then a week later, a friend says, you might not be aware, but there are some pictures of you on a pornography site.

Sandy: When I heard that, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was like horror. The sentence can knock the wind out of you and just make your spirit, my soul, like just torn apart. That’s the only way I can describe it.

Abusive Men Dismiss Their Partner’s Feelings & Desires

Sandy: I went home and I asked my husband if it was true, are pictures of me on pornography sites? He said, yes. I look back now and I think about that as the end of everything. We were married for 13 years at that point, but we were together for 15. This person that I had loved for 15 years, it’s like he didn’t exist anymore. I didn’t know who this person was who would do this to me.

Sandy: At that point, I hadn’t identified what he had done to me as rape.

Anne: Can you describe what you thought at the time had happened?

Sandy: I knew it was not good. I knew it wasn’t loving. It was very confusing. Why it was happening, what was going on. We had just had this terrible fight. The next thing I knew, he followed me up to the bedroom and I had my bathing suit on. I was taking it off. And the next I know, we’re having it, and I didn’t know why. I thought if I would ask him to stop, then he would yell at me more.

Clergy, Faith-Communities, & Friends Can Help Victims Of Marital Abuse

Sandy: I talked about this with some with some friends, and they said, that’s rape. I said he didn’t pin me down, didn’t hurt me. They said, yeah, but he didn’t have your consent. I said, no, I didn’t realize that at that point, there are actually degrees of rape. The rape hotline onli