Episode Details

Today we’re going to be answering a bunch of reader’s questions from last month from our anonymous Have A Question page.  I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my promise of doing a podcast every month our supporters managed to hit our first support goal.  



It’s been a little difficult this month as we’ve been trying to reconfigure our lives a bit to get more exercise in.  My wife is training for an 13km Spartan obstacle course race in August and I’ve been trying to train with her to help her keep going.  It’s nice to have a shared hobby to work on, and I actually managed to run for 20 minutes the other day, without stopping, which I’m pretty proud of.



But, I have to start scheduling time for podcast recording as we’re actually closing in on the next support goal, which will mean weekly podcast episodes.  It will also mean tackling more than just reader’s questions.  If you’re interested in more frequent episodes, check our our support page at uncoveringintimacy.com/donate.  As well, our supports get to discuss the questions as they come in, and their thoughts often make it into the podcast and posts.



With that out of the way, let’s get on to the questions.



Question 1




I am wondering if I should be concerned if my wife is looking up ex boyfriends online/Facebook? One is no longer alive. I saw it on the family computer so it wasn’t hidden and I wasn’t snooping. I am not sure how to feel about it, but I don’t feel very good. Thanks




I think if you don’t feel good about it, it might be worth a discussion.  I don’t think she’s done anything wrong simply by looking someone up, but your feelings about it should probably be explored and discussed.



If you don’t discuss it, then you run the danger of continuing to wonder, worry and perhaps even suspect wrongdoing where there may be nothing.



But if you do have an open, honest and non-confrontational discussion about it, then you can share how you feel, be either reassured that there’s nothing to be worried about, or if there is some temptation there, talking about it can help head it off.  



Question 2




My wife was a swinger and had very many casual anonymous partners before we were married. She got saved and is fully forgiven of her past, but I sometimes wonder what side effects this has on our marriage that I don’t fully understand.




Unfortunately, our past sins often have repercussions beyond our conviction, repentance and forgiveness.  For some, we find that having a promiscuous past can have a negative impact on their view of sex.  



Some husbands find this to be very frustrating as they know other people have experienced a freer, uninhibited version of their wife, but by the time they got married, in correcting their view of sex their wife perhaps overcorrected a bit and now has trouble opening up to them.  Of course, this applies to the reverse gender case as well.  It’s just really hard to write that as a gender neutral sentence.



From the other side, there may be guilt or shame attached to the past, and attached to the act of sex itself, even when it’s now performed in the proper context.  This guilt or shame can manifest in a variety of ways.



For others, they embrace their forgiven nature and manage to move forward with little to no impact.  



So, in short, I can’t guess at what sort of impact this history has on your marriage, but I do think it’s wise to recognize that it’s a distinct possibility that there is an impact.  Being aware of the possibility and choosing to act in accordance with your decision to...