Episode Details

Today we’re answering questions about marriage and sex from our anonymous Have A Question page on our website. We’re answering questions we received back in October and November of 2019.  Everything from orgasms to masturbation to crossdressing to sleeping during sex.



So, let’s dive right in.



Question 1: Other types of orgasms




Do you think that braingasms, heartgasms, and full-body orgasms are legit? I heard that some sex therapists believe that they are and have courses on how to achieve them. From my understanding, [one of the courses] teaches men to achieve these orgasms by focussing on their breathing and doing kegels during sex. This is supposed to allow sexual energy to move through the body, and couples can transfer energy between each other. Think it also teaches something called “The Key Sound.” It seems to be based on Tantric and Taoist sexual practices. All of this sounds rather interesting, but I don’t think that these therapists really hold to a Christian sexual ethic. I’m trying to figure out whether these types of courses and the techniques that are taught are legit, or whether they are mostly a new-age scam. I think breathing together during sex can be relaxing and potentially allow for deeper connection, but I’m not sure that I could do it for an entire session. Kegels have their benefits, as you have acknowledged, but is it reasonable to try to do them for an entire lovemaking session? Would like your perspective on these things. 




There are a few things here to unpack.  Do I think things like braingasms, heartgasms and full-body orgasms are legit?  Yes and no. I think people experience things that they describe as those things.  I’m not entirely sure they are things themselves. It’s sort of like a clitoral orgasm vs a vaginal orgasm.  Do people experience orgasms from having the clitoris stimulated? Yes. Do they experience orgasms from having their vagina penetrated?  Yes. Do they feel different to some people? Yes. Are they different things? I’m not sure about that one.  



In fact, it’s sort of hard to pinpoint what an orgasm is.  Even now, there is no one generally accepted definition of what an orgasm is.  Doctors who deal with the body will tend to define it as some sort of muscle contraction and then release, often due to sexual stimulation (but not always), that in men causes ejaculation (but not always).  Doctors who deal with the mind will cite the feelings, emotions and chemical changes in the body that occur with orgasms. Using that definition, people can have orgasms without any physical stimulation at all, and without the physical effects.



It’s hard to pin down what causes an orgasm even.  Is it because the body is stimulated and that stimulates the mind, which causes an orgasm and then sends pleasure back to the body?  Or is it that the mind is stimulated which causes the body to get aroused, have an orgasm and send those sensations back to the mind?



Or maybe it’s both.  There seems to be some sort of sympathetic/mirroring systems going on here.  You can have an orgasm purely from mental stimulation, or purely due to physical stimulation.  Are they the same?



That said, I think trying to narrow it down to types of orgasms (braingasm, heartgasm, full-body, clitoral, vaginal, anal, nipple) is largely futile.  After all, I don’t think we should be trying to chase different types of orgasm, but rather we should be chasing intimacy.