Episode Details

Well, the election is over and my stock in U-Haul hasn’t gone up any. I mean, come on, man! I thought the entirety of the caustic Left glitterati promised the American people—their fans included—that they were going to leave the country if Donald Trump won the 2024 election.

Cher, a jaded elitist, said she would leave the planet if Trump were elected—again—and more recently mentioned she would leave the country.

The comedic has-been and member of The View coven, Whoopi Goldberg, has threatened twice to leave the US if Trump became president, although she later walked those declarations back because, hey, nobody recognizes her as famous anywhere else in the world, where would she go?

Miley Cyrus, who so nauseatingly donated the “twerk” as an art form to the American petri dish of inanity, initially declared she would move out of the country if Trump won in 2016. I guess she’s waiting for the bellhop to load her luggage.

Barbra Streisand, who hasn’t done anything but shake down her sycophant buddies for $000 concert tickets for decades, suggested she would move to Canada or Australia if Trump returned to power.

Lebron James, JLo, Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller (who?), Tom Hanks, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift (gack), Stephen King, Julia Roberts and George Clooney (who both voiced commercials for Harris with Roberts voicing the “lie to your husband about who you vote for” commercial), Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey, Rosie O’Donnell, Lady Gag (I mean Lady Gaga), Sharon Stone, Lena Dunham (who, again?), the list goes on and on. Elitist megalomaniacs so caught up in their own self-importance that they believe people actually give a shit whether they exist in the United States as citizens or not.

Did they really believe that the threat of leaving the country would change someone’s vote? Is their narcissism and detachment from reality that extreme? Are they that out of touch with reality?

I mean, what does their existence on US soil provide everyday Americans anyway? Is their leaving the country going to deprive us all of something critical in our lives? Will our nation suffer because they have expatriated? Were we all supposed to shriek in terror at the notion of an America without JLo or Lady Gaga, without Whoopi “Caryn Johnson” Goldberg (boy, isn’t “Caryn” appropriate in this case), or Cher?

Nobody gives a shit whether you’re here or not because what you do isn’t that important to our daily lives. You’re not here half the time anyway, and people manage to have fulfilling and fruitful lives without the blessings of your egotism and “look at me” neediness.

Do us all a favor and stop talking about it; stop “announcing it” as if it’s some once-in-a-lifetime world premiere event, and just pack up and get the fuck out! Leave already. Be gone. Vanish.

I at least give Ellen DeGeneres and Portia Rossi credit for actually leaving after making the declaration, but that won’t stop them from selling their wares to the American people, so it really doesn’t matter whether they live here or not.

But hey, maybe that’s exactly what these egotistical, self-centered maniacs need: a shot of reality.

We, in the United States—and anyone who has spent time overseas can attest to this—exist under the protections of the Bill of Rights. Not all free countries of the Western World have those protections, although some give it a good shot.

Even those who break the law have better protections in the United States than in other Western nations—and definitely in non-Western nations worldwide. Just ask any American who has had run-ins with law enforcement in a foreign country.

Truth be told, the people we really can’t do without in our daily lives are those who don’t obsess about fame, importance, and the spotlight. While we can do without Robert