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Money in Marriage: It’s a Matter of Value with Shaunti Feldhahn
Episode 572
What would you call a marriage where spouses see “eye to eye” about money? Some might call it bliss.
It’s true that most couples at least occasionally quarrel about their finances. But could a better understanding of each other’s values help spouses avoid that bickering? Shaunti Feldhahn thinks so, and she joins us today to talk about it.
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard graduate, former Wall Street analyst, social researcher, best-selling author, as well as a prominent public speaker. She is the co-author of Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself with her husband, Jeff, and has written several books with him revealing impactful truths about relationships at home and in the workplace.
A Lesson Learned Over Dinner
Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, learned this lesson early in their marriage. Living in New York, they often ate out due to their demanding schedules. However, a seemingly small issue—ordering a Diet Coke—would trigger recurring arguments. Jeff, concerned about their financial future and mounting student loan debt, saw the expense as unnecessary, while Shaunti viewed it as a simple enjoyment that enhanced her meal.
It wasn't until years later, during their research for their book Thriving in Love & Money, that they realized their conflict stemmed from differing values. Jeff prioritized financial security, while Shaunti valued the experience and enjoyment of a meal. Once they uncovered this, they could better communicate and honor each other's perspectives.
The Root of Money Conflicts in Marriage
Financial disagreements often arise because couples fail to recognize and respect each other's values. In Shaunti and Jeff’s national study, they found that:
- 67% of couples in financial conflicts believe their perspective is the logical one.
- Couples often perceive their spouse’s spending habits as irrational simply because they prioritize different things.
For example, one spouse might see value in spending money on a gym membership for networking and health benefits, while the other might believe household essentials from Costco are a better use of resources. The key takeaway? Neither perspective is wrong—both are rooted in deeply held values.
The Power of Communication
The solution to money conflicts isn’t just budgeting or financial planning; it’s communication. It’s crucial that couples discuss not just what they want
Published on 11 months ago