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Ep. 307. National Park Monster Ranger: Week 2 But Yes, It Will Be a Wonderful
Chris spreads some love in the biggest possible way! Matt fixes climate change! A secret empire is revealed and it is very chill! Call us by your hangout name, let’s range monsters!
Also, Chris challenges Matt to a round of Synonyms!, the guys Roll Up Dudes (tables below!), blowholes are counted, and here comes a King Kaiju!
Let’s Roll a Dude
- Ranger Vibe!
- 1. Steely-eyes and gritted teeth; you’ve seen it all
- 2. Wide-eyed wonder; everything is so new and exciting!
- 3. The monsters are precious and must be protected at all costs
- 4. I am the only line between these vicious monsters and my fellow humans
- 5. I love to party and monsters make parties better
- 6. When no one’s lookin imma eat a monster
- Preferred Rangering outfit!
- 1. Vest, explorer hat, pockets everywhere
- 2. No shirt, no shoes, no problems
- 3. Straight up that bear armor that one guy made
- 4. Mmm fleece
- 5. National Park dress uniform – buttoned up and all business
- 6. Don’t matter how hot it is. Leather tip to toe
- Tragic backstory that led you to become a Monster Ranger!
- 1. Had a pet monster but it was taken away when you were a kid because it was getting huge and looked so hungry. You hope to find it again someday.
- 2. Bigfoot stole your bike and shoved you down a hill
- 3. Swallowed by a sea serpent and stuck slowly moving through it for three days. Resucers made the monster swallow capri suns and lunchables in the packaging so you had something to eat. Eventually a diarrhetic was administered and everyone almost died from throwing up.
- 4. Best friend was a werewolf but they told everyone who your 7th grade crush was even though you were like do NOT tell anyone
- 5. Parents absolutely ripped to pieces by a chupacabra
- 6. You were a monster but got cured
- Gear you wouldn’t be caught dead rangering without!
- 1. Swiss army sword
- 2. Binoculars with nightvision
- 3. Ridiculously expensive and finicky camera
- 4. A length of rope
- 5. Lunchables
- 6. Sleep mask and earplugs for dangernaps
- Preferred Rangering companion!
- 1. Someone you could have a little crush on, just for fun
- 2. Borgfoot (cyborg bigfoot)
- 3. Straight up wizard but like the kind that casts spells that make a cloud of crows or candles that sing or the trees get up and dance around. Not like fireballs or whatever.
- 4. Talking segway
- 5. Hundreds of spiders all over you that only you can understand
- 6. Sentient sleeping bag (can not talk)
- The only monster you are afraid of is!
- 1. The Greedy Creeper
- 2. Warplings
- 3. The Empty Statue
- 4. Thorncrackle
- 5. The False Man
- 6. Coffinfoot