Episode Details

Their Absence is my Presence

I talk to my mom all the time. Even after her passing, I could hear and feel her deeply. Over time, the constant sense of her nearby presence would bring tears—tears of immense love, the same love I now have for myself.

I knew that, with time, this feeling would subdue. Not fade away, but become a constant, integrated part of me.

A few weeks ago, I asked her if she was around because I wasn't sensing her presence. She responded that if I wanted to feel her, I should be near my siblings. She said, 'I am in them too.'

My Taoist and Buddhist teachers taught me that we are half our parents. We carry half mom and half dad. Today, I felt them both deeply.

My mom is my joy, my wit, my mischiefs, my attempts at new ventures, and my courage. My dad has a different flow. His energy is piercing, intense, a seeker. Since his absence became my presence, I've felt this fire in me, guiding journeys of contemplation and the pursuit of freedom in the form of truth, my truth.

Together in me, Monika, they whispered in unison during my breathwork, and tears of joy rolled down my cheeks.

I don't need anything I don't value. I don't expect anything that doesn't belong to me—neither in situations, persons, nor things. The freedom to know that I am going, I don't know where, but I know it is happening. Since the last eclipse redirected me, I trust it is all within me.

My gig: Accelerated evolution:

I sense that many in the world are torn inside out. I reflect on the discrepancies, divisions, and the sense of chaos. Integrating polarities is a constant harmonic venture. Synthesizing doesn't always mean leaning 100 percent to one side of the scale; it may involve creating a deep connection, listening to oneself, and finding the right balance with the other.

Today, the South Node of the Moon in Libra and Venus (Gate 32) share a sweet embrace—a gentle reminder of enduring principles in relational values, even amidst change.

My natal Mars, in opposition next to the North Node (Gate 42), rules the transiting Chiron in Aries—a perfect choreography applying the laws of harmonics with the maturity to cultivate growth through mediation. This propels me with all the courage I never felt ready to use, as the purpose reveals itself through inner vision.

Relational values are a deep observation of the landscape from the outside, guiding the choice of when to enter and become a significant part of it.

With a Moon in Scorpio (MC-9th house) and Pluto in Virgo in my 8th house, I've learned that unless I become self-reliant, no one will save me, nor need to save me. Intimate relationships or partnerships have hindered my ability to create a healthy relationship with my needs and values.

I achieved this by living through its polarity point, Taurus, Venus, and the second house ruled by Neptune. An essential part was isolating myself from relationships that were too close. I wanted to experience the relationship with myself without addiction to substances, things, or persons. I learned that I can't manipulate outcomes; I have to be sincere to feel the power of transformation. The intention was set before my birth, and I made sure to remember it, completing a period of transition.

My evolution is through my emotional body, so my choices need space for clarity. Trust issues were severely violated in the past. With Uranus close in a balsamic aspect to Pluto and ruling my ascendant and South Node, it adds an extra kick to my intention to solely individuate!

If at times I choose aloofness, it's not that I don't care; in fact, I care too much. I need space to respond or not to what lies outside of me and what I am relating to.

The others: mathematikoi + akousmatikoi

Inspiring the collective at an individual level, teaching value and individuation via Polymathēs, many listeners and learners intermingle in common and sing