Podcast Episode Details

I Said This, You Heard That with Kathleen Edelman

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Episode 501

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” - Ephesians 4:29

Have you ever wanted to take back words, maybe even right after saying them? We often use the phrase, “That came out wrong.” Kathleen Edelman joins us today to talk about getting communication right the first time.

Kathleen Edelman is the author of “I Said This, You Heard That: How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication.” She is certified in Biblical Studies and Christian Counseling Psychology and has spent more than 30 years coaching clients in the art of communication.

Temperament vs. Personality: What’s the Difference?

Many of us think of communication in terms of personality, but temperament is actually a concept rooted in ancient studies by Hippocrates. While personality is shaped by factors like life experiences and birth order, temperament is hardwired and unchangeable—like your eye color or fingerprint.

Temperament defines how we naturally respond to various situations. Understanding it can transform how we approach everything, from relationships to finances.

The Four Temperaments: What Are They?

Kathleen’s work breaks down temperaments into four distinct categories, each with its own language and motivations. Here's a brief overview:

• Sanguine (Yellow): These individuals are motivated by people and fun. Their financial goals are often tied to exciting future plans, like saving for a dream vacation.
• Choleric (Red): Cholerics are goal-driven visionaries. Give them a financial target, and they’ll hit it with precision, always eager to set the next goal.
• Melancholic (Blue): Melancholics crave safety and order. They plan meticulously, ensuring that they are financially prepared for all eventualities.
• Phlegmatic (Green): Phlegmatics seek harmony and tend to have a laid-back attitude toward money. They are often the most challenging to get on a budget but can be motivated by long-term, meaningful goals.

Communication and Finances: The Connection

Understanding your own temperament—and that of your spouse or financial advisor—can lead to more effective communication, especially when it comes to managing money. For example, if you are married to a melancholic, they’ll want to feel financially safe, which means they’ll be focused on saving and planning for the future. Conversely, a sanguine needs a fun or people-centered motivation to stick to a financial plan.

By learning to "speak" each other's language, couples can create harmony in their finances, much like they do in other areas of their relationship.

Strengths, Weaknesses, and Innate Needs

Each temperament has a set of strengths and weaknesses. While our weaknesses may seem burdensome, they help us appreciate and manage our strengths. For example, a melancholic’s focus on safety can sometimes lead to anxiety, but when managed well, it ensures a secure financial future.

Another concept we should familiarize ourselves with is "innate needs"—non-negotiable motivators that drive each temperament. Knowing these needs can improve communication and reduce conflict in relationships, particularly when discussing money.

Ephesians 4:29 reminds us:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Let’s

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Published on 1 year, 2 months ago