Episode Details

Part one of this conversation ended abruptly when Instagram dropped the connection. This is the rest of it, picked up in the middle of the money mistakes that follow people for years after a divorce is final.

Tracy Coenen is a forensic accountant who spends her working life on fraud investigations, and the author of Find Me the Money, which lays out five patterns of financial deception inside a marriage. She built the Divorce Money Guide so an ordinary person can sort out the money side of their own divorce, including a course on reading bank and credit card statements: how to get the documents, how to organize them, what to look for, and how to assemble what you find into something an attorney or a judge can act on.

The mistake Tracy puts first is settling before the information is in. Missing statements, an incomplete disclosure form, questions about money movements that never got answered, and someone applying pressure to be done. She and Lisa talk about the cost-benefit calculation that belongs alongside that decision, counting time and energy and not only legal fees, and about why an offer on the table is rarely the best one available.

A long stretch is about your relationship with your own attorney. Modifications are slow and expensive, so the first agreement is the foundation. When a lawyer pushes to sign, Tracy's advice is to make them articulate the reasoning, which a good one can do in specifics. Lisa adds what she and Chris see constantly: people who came out of an abusive relationship find it hard to advocate for themselves with anyone, including the professional they hired.

From there it is practical. The trades that look fair and are not. Why giving up child support tends to backfire. How to keep a child's bank and college money from being spent. The marriage money timeline Tracy has clients build, which regularly surfaces a retirement account from an old job that everyone had forgotten. And her rule on discovery: ask once, remind once, then subpoena.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why settling before disclosure is complete is the mistake Tracy names first
• What to do when the pressure to sign is coming from your own attorney
• Why modifications are slow and expensive, and how that shapes the first agreement
• The house-for-retirement trade, and the ongoing costs people forget to count
• Why trading away child support tends to cost you the parenting time as well
• How to protect a child's bank and college accounts during a case
• How a marriage money timeline surfaces accounts everyone forgot about
• When to stop sending reminder letters and go straight to subpoena

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Picking up part two after Instagram cut the first one short
3:00 Settling before you have all the information
5:00 Why modifications are slow, and getting it right the first time
7:00 When your own attorney is pushing you to sign
9:00 Advocating for yourself inside your own case
11:00 Bringing a trusted person into meetings
13:00 The house, the retirement account, and trading away child support
15:00 Protecting a child's bank and college accounts
17:00 The marriage money timeline
19:00 Skip the reminder letters, go straight to subpoena

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Tracy Coenen, Divorce Money Guide: https://divorcemoneyguide.com/