Episode Details

Can You Really Have It All? Yes. Here's How.

I grew up thinking that only other people could have it all.

Health, wealth, happiness and all of the good things in life that come with them.

In my youth, I believed that having it all was only for other kids and people.

As an adolescent, I believed that only others could have self-confidence.
As a wrestler, I believed only others could win the state championship.
As a young adult, I believed that only others could be wealthy.

There always seemed to be something missing from my life that others had. And I wanted it.

So I set out to chase it.

I started a company called Riot Sports Marketing. (Some of my readers will remember me from those days!)

This was my way out. This was my way to freedom. To wealth. To total happiness and fulfillment.

I sunk myself into my work. I closed off other areas of my life so that I could focus on getting "there."

For 2 1/2 years, I kept my head down and worked on that company. I put everything into it. I had an investor and so it wasn't just all I had but some of what others had too.

After years of toil, it failed. When I finally shutter the business and lifted my head, my life was a mess. That which I set out to attain was further away than ever.

My relationship with Ali was broken.
I was deep in debt.
I wasn't spending enough time with my amazing children.
And I was in the worst physical condition of my life.

My desire to chase what I wanted ironically took me the opposite direction.

My desire to chase what I thought would bring me happiness brought me only brokenness.

Trying to have it all took me in the wrong direction.

The problem wasn't that I wanted to find happiness and fulfillment.
The problem wasn't that I was trying to have it all.
The problem wasn't that I worked really, really hard at something that I was passionate about.

The problem was that I'd only worked in one area of my life. I had a single-minded focus.

When I was an All American college wrestler, that single-minded focus is what helped me achieve my goal. However, no longer could I afford to use the same strategy.

Somewhere deep inside, you know that you can't either. You know that you have too many things pulling at you. Too many priorities.

But what are the right ones?

Through research, testing and teaching, I've discovered the four areas of your life where you must focus your attention in order to have it all.

Here they are (in this order):

-Relationships: Whether you read it in the Bible or you read it in the results of Harvard's Grant Study, one of the longest longitudinal studies of adult life, the evidence is conclusive that relationships are the most important ingredient of happiness.
(podcast- refer to action plan for link to fascinating TED Talk about it)

Interestingly, in a couple of my recent mastermind calls with my Reveal Your Path Pro groups, nearly every one of the men identified a one-on-one interaction as their highest value activity, both at home and at work. Whether it was putting their kids to bed or meeting with clients, it is people that are most important to us both personally and professionally.

Simply put, if you want to have it all, you must have clearly defined relationship goals and an action plan to achieve them.

-Self: Nobody wants to be in a rut. Nobody wants to be stuck.

We all want to be growing.
We all want to be part of something bigger.
We all want to have fun.

That's why you must... you MUST... have goals around personal growth (learning a new skill), impact (volunteering or philanthropy) and/or fun (doing what you love to do).

Health: It's no secret that health and fitness are important pieces to being happy. Look at anyone who you think has it all. They live a healthy lifestyle.