Episode Details

In this episode, your ex is saying things about you to your kids — subtle digs, cold remarks, sometimes open lies — and every instinct is telling you to defend yourself. Here's the hard truth from a co-parenting coach who has seen it hundreds of times: the more you go on the defense, the guiltier you look.

Our guest is Anthony Johnson — “AJ, the Co-Parenting Coach.” Before he coached parents, AJ spent 15+ years in the military, including a role as a sexual-assault response coordinator who walked survivors — almost all of them mothers — through some of the hardest moments of their lives. That trauma-informed lens shapes how he coaches parents toward healthier, lower-conflict co-parenting today, and he's candid that the real work usually lives beneath the surface: “the problem is never the problem.”

You'll hear what to actually do when a co-parent disparages you — the difference between the procedural fight and the personal one, why “competitive parenting” comes from a place of being unhealed, and the quiet, often unintentional ways parents undermine each other to their kids (the “make sure the school sends that to me, not your dad” move). AJ shares the exact language he uses with his own son to explain that two parents can simply “love differently” without one becoming the villain — and where the line is when the other parent is genuinely unsafe.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

✅ What you'll learn

• Why going on the defense makes you look guilty — and the “sacred ground” alternative
• The procedural fight vs. the personal/emotional one — and why you need both
• “Competitive parenting”: the insecurity under one-upping your co-parent
• The covert, often-unintentional ways parents disparage each other to the kids
• BTGO's “3 U's” — casting the other parent as unsafe, unloving, or unavailable
• How disparagement backfires: the loyalty bind, resentment, kids who learn to manipulate
• AJ's script for teaching kids that two parents can “love differently”
• When your co-parent is genuinely unsafe — protecting/documenting vs. disparaging

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 When your ex bad-mouths you to the kids (and why defending yourself backfires)
6:29 Who AJ is: the “healing” side of co-parenting + his trauma-informed background
11:36 Competitive parenting: the ego and insecurity underneath it
19:07 The covert ways parents disparage each other — and the “3 U's”
24:58 How it lands on kids: the loyalty bind, resentment, parentification
26:37 “Mom and I just love you differently”: AJ's script for kids
33:39 Mama Bear vs. Papa Bear (and why Mama Bear gets bitten in court)
38:38 When the other parent is genuinely unsafe
43:18 Where to find Anthony

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your priorities: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Relationships-Circumstances/dp/194627495X/
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183