Episode Details

The instinct, when you are self-represented and your ex is lying about you, is to make the judge see it. Ruth Chung says that is the wrong target. Family court runs on what you can prove and how credible you seem, not on whose account of reality is correct.

Ruth Chung is a matrimonial and family law attorney in New York City. Before law school she earned a bachelor's and master's in forensic psychology and spent years bartending in Manhattan, a combination she credits for the read-the-room instincts she brings to a courtroom. She runs her own practice and works with many people who are representing themselves.

In this episode, Ruth and Lisa work through how to hold your own in a system that was not designed for non-lawyers. She explains why credibility usually beats catching your ex in a lie, how to judge which false statements are even worth answering, and what ex parte communication means, including why nodding along, rolling your eyes, or emailing a judge directly can hurt you. She makes the case that every self-represented person should buy the transcript, keep their time on the record short, and reread it before the next date.

She also clears up a common, expensive misconception in divorce, that an account in your name alone belongs only to you, and walks through how equitable distribution works when neither side wants to budge. Ruth has been a guest before; this is one of two conversations with her in this run.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why being credible matters more than proving your ex is lying
• How to decide which false statements are worth correcting and which to let go
• What ex parte communication is, and how nodding or emailing the judge can backfire
• Why every self-represented person should get the transcript, and keep it short
• The costly myth that an account in your name alone is automatically yours
• How equitable distribution actually works when neither side will budge
• How to set a realistic goal before you ever walk into court

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Ruth's background: forensic psychology and bartending
3:00 Go to court for a goal, not for instant justice
5:00 How to educate yourself when no one explains the system
7:00 Treating court like a role you prepare for
9:00 Credibility vs. catching your ex in a lie
11:00 Which false allegations are even worth addressing
13:00 Ex parte communication: nodding, eye-rolling, emailing the judge
19:00 Why every pro se litigant should get the transcript
27:00 The marital-property myth: whose name is on the account
29:00 Equitable distribution, and keeping your eye on the end

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Ruth Chung at The Chung Firm: https://www.chungfirm.com/

🎧 More with Ruth Chung on this podcast
Ep 62: Keeping Your Eye on the Prize Through a Divorce

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.