Episode Details

Planning Out Your Day the Night Before

Today I'm going to be talking about boundaries.

The Language of Letting Go

One of the things that comes up for actors quite often is setting boundaries with the representation, with a director of a play or a student film or a feature film, or even, what happened to me on a commercial set, where I was almost physically abused.

So boundaries are something that is very valuable for us to know in our work as an actor, but also, of course, in our personal life.

"Sometimes life and people seem to push and push.Because we sometimes may have been so used to pain, we may tell ourselves that it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us."

So the first part of that is something that I used to do is go "it's just me, so it doesn't matter."

The second part is, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us.

Now, the word shame, and this is not really a subject that I talk about too much, because if you have shame issues, that is truly something that I need to work on with you in a private one on one session.

Because it is such an emotional issue, but shame is believing that there is something defective about you.

So a lot of times when we're not setting boundaries, people always just take advantage of me. There must be something wrong with me.

But when I'm doing that, I'm putting myself in that catabolic energy of victim.

When I put myself in the catabolic energy of victim, oof, I'm in trouble.

I need to move into the anabolic energy of responsibility.

And that is definitely what setting boundaries is all about.

Now, how can we tell if we are being controlled and manipulated? So one of the things I talk about is taking a step back.

And if you put your hand on your face, what you'll notice is that when you look at your hand, you can't really see it. But when you remove it about six to eight inches, you've taken a step back from it, you can, and when that happens, you are in a place to observe.

But when somebody you feel like you're being manipulated, it's that hand just magically finds its way onto your face.

But again, you do have the power to take a step back and observe and ask yourself if this is healthy for you.

Another thing that I find very helpful is when I'm feeling someone may be manipulating me. I just listen, force myself not to say anything, but just listen and allow myself to take the opportunity to really hear what it is they are asking of me.

The other thing that I find very helpful is to never answer yes right away.

Say that sounds like a very interesting opportunity, let me get back to you. Let me think about it and let me get back to you tomorrow and then really get back to them tomorrow.

So that again, you're giving yourself that space to take a step back and observe to see if what they're asking you to do is, are you being manipulated, or is this potentially a really great opportunity for you?

In family situations, little thing that I find to be ve