Episode Details

[EDITS]

CONAN O'BRIEN

Alright.

If she hit Fallon, she's gonna come for one of us next.

No, Conan—that's not how this works.

WHAT—where did you come from!?

When did you get here?

JAY LENO

This goes deeper than all of you can understand.

WHAT the FUCK, man!

When did you-/

—when did he get here?

How did you do that?!

How did you do that?!

What are you, like, the same guy?

Are you not all the same guy?

[they shrug simultaneously and kind of just agree]

Listen at this.

Okay then.

The enemy of your friend is my enemy.

Oh…kay—and the enemy of my enemy—is my friend—

That is correct.

—so we're all friends here.

That's right.

Some special forces?

Which forces?

How special?

[JENNIFER LOPEZ is still JENNY FROM THE BLOCK]

Do I look like a fool to you?

Uh—

OOPS

[a pre-fame Jennifer Lopez receives a drop full of diamonds instead of the usual; she has been granted access into the Illuminati, and becomes an overnight success.]

This feels heavier than usual.

Same as always.

Hm. Are you sure.

Yep.

Hey, you're not the regular guy.

Regular guy died.

That makes sense.

JENNIFER ANNISTON is inside of Ū

Okay, grosss

Not like that

[lifting max weight]

Okay. That was cool. Wow.

Yeah, sure whatever.

I am strong

Yeah yeah, okay.

Are you sure you want to be my size?

Yep.

JIMMY FALLON/SKRILLEX (we don't know actually which at this point) is also trapped inside of Ū

Okay, gross!

Yeah.

SKRILLEX is in all of Ū.

okay—actually, i'm okay with that, but

That other guy?!

[JIMMY FALLON]

Yeah, he's weird.

Also meanwhile, kind of—

MARSHALL MATHERS has a closet cleaning service

lol.

Patrick is smooth as a motherfucker, you know.

Every time his head is down on the desk like that, he takes a bump of coke.

What?! Big uh!

[Patrick takes bumps of cocaine in front of a live studio audience—every single night.]

Woah!

See.

Goddamn. You gotta admire a guy like that.

Jennifer Anniston is the weight on the cable tension machine

Ooh.

Psycho bitch<> devious methods <> new ludachris commercial

All ya'll girls is toddlers

I like long boards and longhairs

Lawn mowers and lawn shares

Aw hell nah, God forgot Cher

I got the Blair witch project

On Blair,

I hope I scare you

How dare you.

Your girl looks like a naked mole rat.

I got my soul back.

You blue eyed bastards stole everything

From the whole blacks,

Hold that thought

I'm at Whole Foods market

throw in the Amazon algorithm off

With marked dollars

Look at God at Walmart

On them rollbacks

You old hacks are cackling

I'm shackled to old habits

Hold hands with me, rabbit

I'm just a silly rapper

really, are you?

Maybe.

Cut the verse of

Reverse God

Now I'm the devil

I'm still lost in the Amazon cart

I shar