Episode Details

IIC 67:  Catholic and UnCatholic Sex in Catholic Marriages

Saturday, May 8, 2021

10:27 AM

1. The Windup – our common ground, a quick summary of where we are today
    
   1. Let's get down to it.  
2. 
   
   1. Most of us Catholic married folk have deep desires within us for authentic, loving, joyful, intimate sexual sharing with our spouses
3.  
   1. We want to be loving our spouses, we want to make love to our spouses in ways that are healthy, ordered, and holy.
4.  
   1. We want to know our spouses and be known, to accept our spouses and be accepted, to be loved and to love.
5.  
   1. And at least intellectually, we know that God  wants that for us too.  
6. 
   
7. The Hurdle:  The shared problem
    
   1. Or at least, we all had those desires in the past.  Maybe we've given up on them.  Maybe we're discouraged, disheartened. So many Catholic spouses are.  It's common and it's tragic.  But it makes sense to me.  Why?
8.  
   1. Because Sexuality is usually the trickiest and most difficult part of the marriage relationship. Let me say that again.  
   2. We want  deep, loving, joyful, intimate sexual sharing with our spouses
   3. But often there's pressure, shame, guilt, anger, conflict, tension, frustration, disagreement, disharmony, sullenness, withdrawal, disconnection, feelings of helplessness, avoidance, resignation and dozens of other painful experiences.  
   4. We are wounded in a lot of different ways, and those attachment wound, those integrity wounds impact how Catholic spouses related to each other sexually.  
   5. Sex is the most sensitive barometer
   6. God wants Catholic couples not to just have sex -- animals can and do copulate
       
      1. but ordered, healthy sexual intimacy.  
   7. 
      
   8. Stakes are high.  Our Lady of Fatima on Sexual Sins  Jacinta later revealed that according to Our Lady, “The sins which cause most souls to go to hell are the sins of the flesh,” or sins against chastity.
   9. For many Catholic spouses, the sexual situation can seem impossible
       
      1. 28% of Catholic marriages end in divorce, and it's probably safe to say that the sexual intimacy isn't great in those relationships
   10.  
       1. Many, many others suffer from significant problems and issues in the sexual relationship.  
   11. 
       
       1. There is no other area of Catholic life so fraught with complexity, nuance, so sensitive to disorder and dysfunction in the married life.  Why?
   12.  
       1. Because sex is so often wrenched out of context
           
          1. Procreation
       2.  
          1. Union, the bond of the spouses
       3.  
          1. Catholic spouses often look to their sexual relationship to solve problems that do not originate there.  
             1. Misuse of sexuality in the service of trying to get deeper needs met -- attachment needs and integrity needs.  Episode 62
       4. 
          
   13. But you know what?  There are solutions.  There are ways out, even for spouses who are really jaded, really disheartened and discouraged.  And we are going to talk about those ways out, the promise of solutions.  We're going to talk about the Good News of Catholic sexual married life today.
        
       1. All things, all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.  Romans 8:28.  All things.  No exceptions.  All things, St. Paul tells us, there is no asterisk or footnote that excludes your particular sexual situation.  All things.  
          1. The caveat -- for those who love the Lord.  That means childlike trust, great confidence.  
   14. 
       
       1. So many Catholic couples could have such a better life of sexual intimacy.  That is so possible, even though it may not seem believable, because of a history of disappointment, false starts, and discourag