Episode Details

In family court, almost everyone speaks for the child: each parent, each parent's lawyer, sometimes the judge. Stephanie's entire job is to make sure the child speaks for the child.

Stephanie is an attorney in New York who represents children in family court as an Attorney for the Child. Before that, she spent years representing domestic-violence survivors at nonprofit organizations across the state. She moved into representing children after repeatedly watching their court-appointed lawyers arrive unprepared, not knowing their client's age, home, or wishes, and she shares much of what she has learned in plain terms with a large following online.

In this conversation, Stephanie and Lisa work through what an AFC actually is and does. She lays out the differences between an Attorney for the Child and a guardian ad litem, from confidentiality to whether they can be called to testify, and how she handles the fear every parent raises: what if the child is being coached? She explains the "substitute judgment" the law requires when there is real proof of coaching, why she still advocates for what a child wants even when she would counsel otherwise, and why children are entitled to the same representation adults get.

They also cover the parts parents get wrong: trying to tell the AFC what to ask, resisting the idea of a lawyer for their child at all, and assuming an AFC who is aligned with their child is therefore on their side (she is not, and what you tell her is not confidential). Stephanie talks through alienation and abuse by proxy, the therapeutic and supervised visits that can help a rejected parent even when they feel unfair, and the Lincoln hearing that lets a child speak to a judge privately. The part she keeps coming back to, she says, is getting to be the one who tells the court what a child actually wants.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• What an Attorney for the Child is, and how it differs from a guardian ad litem
• Why an AFC keeps a child's disclosures confidential, and can't be made to testify
• How an AFC handles a child who may have been coached ("substituting judgment")
• Why the law has an AFC advocate for what the child wants, even when a parent disagrees
• Why parents don't get to speak for their child's wishes, and where to put your concerns
• Why "I'm an attorney, but not YOUR attorney" should change what you tell an AFC
• What a Lincoln hearing is, and how a child's voice can reach the judge privately
• How therapeutic visits, though they can feel unfair, can help a rejected parent in court

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 From representing DV survivors to representing kids
3:00 AFC vs guardian ad litem: attorney, confidentiality, and who they serve
7:00 When a child is coached or lying, and "substituting judgment"
11:00 When a child wants something that isn't in their best interest
13:00 Fighting a 50/50 default, and how much weight an AFC carries
17:00 Why parents don't get to speak for their child's wishes
21:00 The parents who don't want an AFC talking to their kids
25:00 Building rapport, and asking about disparagement and the case
31:00 Misconceptions: not CPS, and not your attorney
37:00 Alienation, abuse by proxy, and therapeutic visits
47:00 Lincoln hearings, and being the voice for a kid

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 S