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66 Acceptance vs. Endorsement: A Critical Difference in Catholic Marriages

Episode 66 Published 4 years, 11 months ago
Description


  1. Intro
     
    1. It is good to have you with us,
  2.  
    1. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist
  3.  
    1. Weekly Podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 

    1. Part of our Online outreach Souls and Hearts and soulsandhearts.com
  5.  
    1. Which is all about your human formation, all about shoring up your natural foundation for a solid Catholic spiritual life.  

    1. Episode 66 Acceptance vs. Endorsement: A Critical Difference in Catholic Marriages.  

    1.  we are in the middle of a series on Sexuality in Catholic Marriages, but there is so much in here that is relevant about all kinds of close relationships.  

  9. Where have we been?  Review the bed -- remember this canopied marriage bed represents the sexual life of a married Catholic couple.  
    1. The floor -- The Presence of God and His Providence -- everything begins here.  This is the most fundamental piece of the whole metaphor.  We need to be in contact with "I AM" with God who is the source of all reality.  We can't forget that
    2. The four legs
       
      1. Leg 1 -- the husband's commitment to his own interior integration and his own human formation
    3.  
      1. Leg 2.  the wife's commitment to her own interior integration, her own human formation
    4.  
      1. Leg 3.  Understanding Attachment needs and integrity needs.  

      1. Leg 4.  Internal Family Systems  -- Episode 60 --  How well do you really know your spouse?
         
        1. In that episode, I made five bold assertions:
           
          1. You don't really know your spouse.  

          1. Your spouse doesn't really know you.  

          1. Your Father doesn't or didn't really know your mother
        4.  
          1. Your mother doesn't or didn't really know your father
        5.  
          1. And you don't really know you.  


        1. Gave evidence for those bold claims are likely, not going to repeat all that evidence here, you can go to Episode 60 and listen to them again.  
          1. For those of you listeners who are married:
             
            1. Can seem like spouse have such widely varying modes of operating
          2.  
            1. like they can be even different people when they are in these different modes of being. 

            1. Remember what your spouse or someone close to you is like when they are different states -- like when they are really angry, or really sad, or really anxious or really happy.  How different they think, how their worldview changes in these different states.  

            1. what we call parts:  Parts are constellations of emotions, body sensations, thoughts, feelings, impulses, assumptions about the world and so many other things.  

            1. Internal Family Systems thinking help us to make sense of our own internal experience and others' internal experience, breaking us out of the model that we have just one monolithic, homogenous personality.  

            1. That's what episodes 60 and 61 are all about
          7.  
          8. Surprising how not integrated the husband's internal object representations of his wife are -- surprising how unintegrated a wife's internal object representation of her husband can be.  How confused.  
            1. Definition time with Dr. Pete,  Definition of internal object -- Roots in Freud, really developed my Melanie Klein: Internal object refers to the mental representation that results from how we have taken others inside of us and viewed them.  Not necessarily similar to who the person actually is, it's how we construe the person to be, which depends heavily on our subjective experiences, including how we experience ourselves. 
            2. Two dimensional -- sometimes even one
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