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65 Why Catholic Spouses Find it Hard to Empathize with Each Other, Especially about Sex -- with Solutions.

Episode 65 Published 4 years, 11 months ago
Description
  1. Intro
     
    1. It is good to have you with us,
  2.  
    1. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist
  3.  
    1. Weekly Podcast Interior Integration for Catholics 

    1. Part of our Online outreach Souls and Hearts and soulsandhearts.com
  5.  
    1. Episode 65  Why Catholic Spouses Find it Hard to Empathize with Each Other, Especially About Sex -- with Solutions.  -- we are in the middle of a series on Sexuality in Catholic Marriages, but don't worry if you are not married, there is so much for you in today's episode that applies to any close relationship.  

  7. Definitions of Empathy:
     
    1. Daniel Siegel:  Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine.  Interpersonal Neurobiology. 
      1. Interpersonal Neurobiology
         
        1. Wikipedia: Interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) or relational neurobiology is an interdisciplinary framework associated with human development and functioning. It was developed in the 1990s by Daniel J. Siegel who sought to bring together a wide range of scientific disciplines in demonstrating how the mind, brain, and relationships integrate to alter one another.
      2.  
      3. Dan Siegel's work is very accessible -- easier for non-professionals to understand, very available.  
      4. Five types of Empathy  -- Short YouTube Video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdhMY_DNb1M  5 Levels.   There's an order to them.  
        1. Emotional Resonance or attunement
        2. Perspective Taking
        3. Cognitive Empathy
        4. Compassion -- Seigel calls it Empathetic Concern
        5. Empathetic Joy
      5. I am going to expand on his basic presentation.  
      6. Expanded definitions of empathy
         
        1. Emotional Resonance, attunement, empathic resonance -- receiver begins to feel what the sender is feeling.  You feel the feelings of the other person.  
          1. Attunement ‘is a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of others knowing their rhythm, affect and experience by metaphorically being in their skin, and going beyond empathy to create a two-person experience of unbroken feeling connectedness by providing a reciprocal affect and/or resonating response’. (Clinical psychologist Richard Erksine 1998).
          2. When we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another. This resonance is at the heart of the important sense of “feeling felt” that emerges in close relationships. Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives we need attunement to feel close and connected."  Dan Siegel
          3. Moderation
             
            1. Emotional contagion.  This really can be overwhelming
               
              1. Experience of being sucked into the other's experience -- blending or fusing with the other with a loss of boundaries
            2.  


        1. Perspective Taking:  Let me put myself in the other's skin -- in the other shoes.   Not a fusion
           
          1. Capacity to enter into your spouse's internal world with your own mind to consider the other's experience
        2.  
          1. You remain separate from the other person.  


        1. Cognitive Empathy: -- a bit further  -- what does the experience mean for the person.  Memory, emotion, history influences the other.  Empathetic understanding.  
          1. So much of our suffering comes not from the facts of our situation, but from the meaning we make from those facts.  

        1. Compassion:  Empathic Concern -- synonym for compassion.  I feel your pain, I want to reduce your suffering.
           
          1. You feel the suffering
        2.  
          1. Take the suffering in
        3.  
          1. Use of the imagination -- what could I do now to help you feel b
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