Episode Details

Divorces stall for reasons that have nothing to do with the law. One spouse isn't ready to be divorced. A lawyer bills the fight instead of ending it. The paperwork sits untouched on a kitchen table because the person who has to fill it out is too overwhelmed to start. Raiford Palmer has seen all three, and he has a fix for each.

Raiford Palmer is the managing shareholder of STG Divorce Law in Chicago and has practiced law since 1994, more than twenty years of it in divorce. He is the author of I Just Want This Done, a bestseller Chris and Lisa recommend constantly, and a divorced father of two who has since remarried. He and Lisa have recorded several conversations together; this one is about pace: why a case slows down, and how to speed it up without becoming the problem yourself.

Palmer starts with the lawyer. The attorney who treats every dispute as a war, who files motion after motion without ever telling the client the realistic odds or what it will actually cost,will stretch a case for years, sometimes while the client keeps writing checks. He describes the bridge people cross toward accepting a divorce, and how a spouse who is far behind on it will drag their feet, or fight, because they are not emotionally ready to be done. He is honest that addiction, or a target frozen by overwhelm and unable to face an eight-page financial affidavit, can stall a case just as effectively. He also talks about how his own firm changed once he learned that most of the job is listening, not interrogating.

The back half is practical. Give your own financial documents to the other side early, before they even ask, so the case never slows on your account and the judge can see who cooperated. When the other side won't produce records, a motion to compel or a subpoena sent straight to the bank goes around them. A deposition puts a checked-out spouse under oath and forces their lawyer to take the case seriously, and Palmer says depositions often settle a case in the room. When the opposing lawyer won't move their own client, he writes a settlement letter that lays the realistic range of trial outcomes and its cost side by side, and lets the other party read it, because their lawyer has to share it. All of it comes back to the cost-benefit analysis at the heart of his book.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• The lawyer red flag that guarantees a longer, costlier case, and what to look for instead
• Palmer's "bridge" idea: why a spouse who isn't emotionally ready stalls the whole case
• Why freezing on discovery paperwork can become the reason your case waits, and how to break it
• Why to hand over your own documents early instead of matching the other side's games
• Motion to compel vs. subpoena: two ways around a spouse who won't produce records
• How a deposition forces a checked-out ex to engage, and why it so often ends in settlement
• "Showing them over the cliff": using a settlement letter to reach an ex whose lawyer won't move them
• The cost-benefit analysis at the center of getting a divorce done

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why people watch for the real story of family court
3:00 Hiring the wrong lawyer: the "swamp creature" and the pit bull
7:00 How a lawyer can drag a case out and call it zealous
11:00 The bridge: why a spouse who isn't ready stalls everything
17:00 Freezing on discovery paperwork, and how a good firm helps
21:00 Why most of a lawyer's job is people, not law
23:00 Moving from investigator to listener in the first meeting
35:00 What to do: get realistic, and a red flag about second opinions
39:00 Don't stoop on discovery: produce early, compel, or subpoena
45:00 Depositions, showing them over the cliff, and the cost-benefit analysis

Keep going 💜
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