Episode Details

Lisa asked her audience one question the morning of this interview: if you could write a law, what would it be? The answers that came back are the spine of this episode, and almost none of them were about winning a case. They were about a system where lying carries no cost and orders carry no teeth.

Our guest this episode is Trevor Crow, a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Connecticut, with a background that includes Wellesley, a Harvard MBA and a master's in marriage and family therapy from Fairfield University. Crow works with couples and individuals, has trained extensively in emotionally focused therapy, and is familiar with coercive control and domestic violence from the clinical side. At the time of recording, Crow was campaigning for a Connecticut state senate seat and came on to hear directly from people who have lived through family court, which was not yet part of the platform.

Trevor and Lisa work through the reform list. Perjury on the monthly financial affidavits that everyone signs and nobody enforces, and why a stated consequence that never arrives encourages the behavior it is meant to deter. Orders with real deadlines and real consequences instead of language a difficult ex can outlast. Bringing in someone trained in domestic violence when a report is filed, rather than relying on a judge with no coercive control training. Funding that training across the entire system: judges, attorneys, therapists and guardians ad litem. Trevor also raises adding firearms questions to mandated reporting, having asked that question of a client weeks earlier.

They discuss Jennifers' Law in Connecticut, which had only taken effect the previous October and was too new for anyone to say whether it was landing, and what advocacy in the other states looks like from the ground up. The episode also covers reproductive rights legislation that was awaiting decision at the time, and the data privacy risk in period-tracking apps, which was new to Lisa and is worth hearing if you are thinking about what any app knows about you during a contested case.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why perjury on financial affidavits goes unpunished, and what that teaches the other side
• Why an order without enforcement language is one a difficult ex can simply outlast
• What changes when someone trained in domestic violence is brought in on a report
• Why coercive control training has to reach attorneys and guardians ad litem, not just judges
• Where Jennifers' Law stood in Connecticut, and why it was too early to judge
• How advocacy in a state without coercive control legislation actually starts
• What your period-tracking app knows, and why that data may not stay private

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Trevor's background, and why family court reform came up
4:00 What the system does to families, and who it is failing
5:30 Reproductive rights legislation and the decisions then pending
12:00 Period-tracking apps and where that data can go
15:00 The wish list: domestic violence expertise on every report
17:00 Coercive control training the whole system can actually take
19:00 Perjury, unenforced orders, and consequences that never arrive
20:30 Jennifers' Law, and advocacy in the other states

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183
🔗 Trevor Crow, LMFT: https://trevorcrow.com/<