Episode Details

How do we know when it’s time to stop in a relationship or a situation which we realize is not working out, draining our energy, or, to be blunt, a waste of our time and effort? How can we stop without feeling like we failed or quit without throwing a frustration tantrum?

The key is in knowing the difference between stopping and quitting and using that information to let go with empowered grace.

When is it time to stop in a relationship or situation where we realize we’re just spinning our wheels, wasting our time or worse, being used, abused, or taken advantage of?

In the best of worlds we would stop right away but it’s more complicated than that. The decision to pull back and leave a situation or relationship depends on so many other things:

1. how vested or committed we are to winning 

2. when it becomes personal – it’s about you, not about them or the situation

3. how much time and energy we have invested in the relationship

4. what our expectations are

5. what other options we have

6. who we think is watching, waiting for us to fail

7. how many times we think we have failed before

8. how much we want to believe that it is our mission or purpose to succeed in this effort

9. how much potential we believe is in that person or situation and how committed we are to bring it out and make them become what we see in them

OK so how many of you see yourselves in the above list? How many times have you given something ‘one more chance’ because you just know that this time is it and you are going to succeed, to get the outcome you want, that you will change that person and they will be so grateful, that you will become the hero or heroine?

And how many ‘one more chance’ opportunities have to happen before you get discouraged, despondent, disappointed, and realize that no matter how much you try this is simply not going to work out.

So you decide you’re going to quit, hang it up, throw in the towel, and ‘never do that again’. You have lost, failed, not succeeded, missed an opportunity, didn’t prove yourself, etc. AGAIN. And you feel bad about it, you’re ashamed, angry, and feel like a failure.

Is this why it is so hard to stop because we associate it with failure and do we really believe that every single situation must turn out to be some kind of success or have positive potential?

But wait, there is another way to do this and to step away from and let go of a situation with empowered grace and dignity.

There is a way to let go and walk away from these kinds of situations with your head held high, proud of your efforts and equally proud of your ability to know when it’s time to go. As Kenny Rogers sang, ‘you have to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run’

How do you walk away or run with empowered grace and dignity? You know the difference between stopping and quitting – one implies control and the other implies shame and powerlessness.

Do you want to guess which is which?

The decision between stopping and quitting can mean the difference between holding your head high because you know you made a powerful decision for yourself or blaming and shaming yourself for not succeeding once again, for failing, for not trying hard enough, for giving up too soon (again), and for being utterly worthless at everything you try to do. Can you add anything else here?

You see when you decide to stop you are making an informed decision to surrender, which doesn’t mean to give up, it means to stop resisting the process. You have looked at the situation from your viewpoint and decided that it is not right for you. You took stock of what you were giving and receiving in return, how much time, energy, and effort was involved and whether the return was adequate. 

“I am going to stop now” is a powerful way to step away with grace and dignity, and to have completion and