Episode Details

What matters to you? What is important to you? What do you stand for or take a stand on and what would you fight for? Do you know that what matters to you becomes matter? That your entire reality is created by what matters to you. This is the core energy of our lives and when you understand how to define what  matters to you, you have the key to manifestation, energy mastery, and creating the reality of your life on your terms.

We defend what matters because these are our life principles and standards. We define ourselves, who we are, what we believe, our ethics and morals, by what matters. But do we ever look at what matters and ask ourselves why we are supporting this belief or whether it belongs to us? Sometimes our life’s ‘matters’ are those we inherit or learn from others and we don’t question them. But it all becomes part of our matter (or reality) because what matters to you is manifesting in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not, or want it or not.

What do you claim as matter that you inherited from someone or that is part of someone else’s belief system? Is this part of what you may be afraid to change even though you do not like it? 

For example, a client had an annual family event they dreaded every year. It was tradition and had been done for decades. But they didn’t get along with the family, they were not well liked, and they never enjoyed their time at these events. 

One year there was a conflict – they received an invitation to go on vacation with friends at the same time as the annual family event. This became a ‘what matters’ choice because they were faced with a choice:

Going to the family event they dreaded or going on vacation with friends they enjoyed being with.

If they chose to avoid the family event there would be a lot of angry judgments, criticism, and accusations of being disloyal to the family, of ruining the annual event, of disappointing people, and of not being part of the family.

If they chose the vacation with friends they would have a much better time but may have to deal with guilt, being shamed by the family, and not having a good time because they dreaded a potential year’s worth of being blamed for the failure of the family event that everyone (but them) looked forward to.

What is important to us defined by our priorities and our non-negotiables, principles I teach in my Energy Boundaries course. This is the foundation of our life. How we use energy is governed by our priorities and non-negotiables. But we don’t use these effectively and we often discount what is important to us to get along, go along, and make others happy.

Priorities are what is important to you, they are what you put first in your life. A priority could be self care, managing your time, safeguarding your energy, keeping yourself safe, your security, your family, or your job and career. Often our priorities involved other people and their  needs, at the expense of our own.

If having approval is important to you then your priorities will reflect making others happy, getting their approval, making sure you are aligned with others’ needs, and not creating chaos or disturbances in your relationships. Your priorities could also include avoiding drama and chaos and staying away from challenging situations.

Non-negotiables are things that you will not compromise under any circumstance. In relationships that could be honesty, commitment, telling the truth, reliability, loyalty, and kindness. Some of my non-negotiables in relationships include no addictions, being honest, consideration, honesty, and commitment. I have no tolerance for those things and when they occur the relationship is over – no negotiating, no compromise.

What are some of your non-negotiables and how much do you stand for them? If you value honesty, are you willing to end a relationship if someone is dishonest? Or do you compromise your non-negotiables in the name of s