Episode Details

My guest today is Kirsty Mulcahy from Soberbuzz Scotland

Her work is focussed on supporting people to go alcohol free – she also coaches people who are sober and are asking themselves what comes next…

In this episode:-

• Kirsty started drinking at the age of 14
• The first night she drank she ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped
• That one weekend changed the trajectory of Kirsty's schooling
• Previously she’s loved school and was doing well but after the stomach pumping incident she hung out with the people she’d been drinking with – she needed to “fit in”
• We agreed that even when we get older we still have the need to fit in and one of the fears of quitting is around out identity – who will we be if we don’t drink!
• Who will my people be?
• We agreed that we are both blessed to be working in the recovery community where we have found our people and get purpose from helping people to change their lives
• Kirsty left school early and went to leave abroad at the age of 17
• She drank heavily and took recreational drugs until she was 21
• Returning to the UK she had the intention of returning to live overseas but she fell in love and had a child
• At the age of 27 she separated from her partner and became a single mom
• That’s when she realized that she had a problem with alcohol…although she didn’t stop until she was 41
• 14 years of knowing but not changing..
• 14 years of thinking this isn’t right but feeling trapped because she had no idea HOW to make a change
• I so identify with this and in fact the average time that someone takes from the realization that they have a problem and doing something about it is 11 years
• So if you are in that place of knowing that you have a problem but feeling trapped please reach out today… there is help available, go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe!
• Apart from not knowing how to quit drinking Kirsty's whole identify was wrapped up in being the party girl
• There was also a dark side to the partying which was when she drank alone
• When Kirstys mom died suddenly she was 33 and her drinking became heavier
• She had no sober people in her life, no role models showing her that an alcohol free life was possible
• She had been to an AA meeting in her 20’s but was unable to relate to the people she found there
• Apart from the shock of losing her mom Kirsty had to cope with a lot of extra responsibility and she no longer had childcare for when she went to work
• She had no coping mechanisms so turned to alcohol
• Kirsty tried putting various rules in place around her drinking but ended up breaking them
• She had lots of “rock bottoms” but found herself moving the goalposts
• For example she thought that if she ever woke up in a strangers house the morning after she would quit
• But she did…and she didn’t quit
• One of the things that prevented her from getting help was the shame… she just didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it had got
• Another factor that kept her trapped was the thought that people would realise that she had a problem if we stopped
• When we give up smoking we get congratulated but when we give up drinking we just get lots of awkward questions!
• Like many of us Kirsty was high functioning and managed to hold down a job and maintain her parenting role..
• She also poured huge energy into keeping everybody happy so that no-one questioned what was going on in her life
• Without her mom to look out for her Kirsty felt very alone… there was nobody close to her to see just how bad her drinking had got…nobody to advise her
• Her final rock bottom came in December 2017 when she woke up surrounded by empty bottles and drug paraphernalia…
• She got