Episode Details

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Today we tackle the difficult topic of shame and how it can affect our entire families.  As parents of kids who are misusing drugs or alcohol, it’s common to experience a profound sense of failure or guilt when their lives begin to spin out of control.

And as today’s guest says, “How could you not?”  For many of us, it can seem like our kids are entirely different than the people we raised.  As a substance use disorder progresses, they may engage in ugly behaviors like lying, cheating, or stealing that are contrary to everything we taught them.  It’s not hard to understand why that often leads to a sense of shame in parents.

On this episode, I’m joined by Patrick Hawkins, founder of Triple Divide Lodge, a 90-day program that combines residential treatment and adventure therapy for young men ages 14-19.  Patrick’s wealth of experience helps us work through these family dynamics of shame and how they affect not just our kids but us as well.

You'll hear:

• How “spontaneous rationalizations” trump unidentified and unresolved feelings in our kids
• How those feelings pile up over time into chronic emotional distress, which is often used as a subconscious justification for continuing their substance use
• Why kids are truly unaware that the problem is addiction, and why that should alleviate so much of the guilt we may feel
• Why turning our child into our parental report card leads to emotionally driven behavior – and why that’s rarely good

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Triple Divide Lodge

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