Episode Details

Amber Chapman's oldest daughter started gorging herself at dinner, and Amber could not work out why, until she learned the girl was stocking up because she would be hungry at her father's house. That is the kind of thing this episode is made of: small, telling moments from seventeen years of a high-conflict custody battle, told by someone whose kids are now grown.

Amber Chapman is a writer and a survivor of a high-conflict divorce she filed when her youngest was about a year old. She raised three kids across two very different households and a move between states, and she came on the show to share what she learned, along with the reassurance she wishes she'd had: that both she and her kids would make it through.

Much of the hour is the day-to-day. Two homes with opposite rules on meals, medication, and car seats, and how Amber taught her kids to be their own voice about their safety without running down their dad. The kids cast as messengers and spies, and her rule never to discuss her ex while they were with her. Her oldest parentified into the caretaker of the youngest, and the hard math of which incidents to bring to an attorney when the court will not act on most of them.

Then the strategy she credits for getting through: attorneys who listened and collaborated rather than just followed orders, and the relocation playbook she learned by trial, staying put until she could leave with her kids, filing first, and refusing the endless extensions that were really a tactic. She also describes coming within inches of parental alienation without knowing the word for it. She closes, through tears she does not apologize for, on where it landed: three grown kids who chose their relationship with her, and a message that you do not give up.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• What to do when two households have opposite rules, and you can't control the other one
• How to teach young kids to advocate for their own safety without badmouthing the other parent
• Why kids grow up faster in these cases, and the mixed cost of that
• How to build a support system, and why one honest friend can keep you from quitting
• Why an attorney who listens and collaborates beats one who just does what you say
• The relocation lessons: never leave the state without your kids, and why filing first matters
• How to recognize parental alienation early, before it takes hold
• The long view: how and when kids come to see the truth for themselves

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Meet Amber Chapman, and the fear that your kids' lives are ruined
3:00 Two households, opposite rules, and the confusion for the kids
5:00 "Call the stepparent mom": the early red flags
8:00 Damage control: teaching kids to advocate for their own safety
13:00 Building a support system, and the friends who wouldn't let her quit
16:00 The three attorneys, and the day she almost gave up
19:00 Kids as messengers and spies, and not talking about the ex
22:00 When kids ask you to intervene, and picking your battles
27:00 Court lessons: show no emotion, and keep the attorney who works
29:00 Relocation: file first, and don't leave without your kids
35:00 The alienation she almost missed, and the hope on the other side

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183

About Been There Got Out
Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high