Episode Details

First marriages in Los Angeles County end in divorce roughly two-thirds of the time. Second marriages, family attorney Padideh Jafari says, end in divorce even more often, closer to seventy percent, often because people skip processing what happened the first time before remarrying.

Padideh Jafari has practiced family law in Los Angeles for twenty years, across mediation, collaborative law, and litigation. She has a law degree from Southwestern University School of Law, a psychology minor from her undergraduate years, and early experience clerking on child abuse and molestation cases for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office. She also teaches as an adjunct law professor. Roughly a third of her caseload involves an abusive or high-conflict ex; the rest are more straightforward separations.

In this conversation, Padideh and Lisa go through what changes when the other spouse has a cluster B personality disorder: why the case can run one to five years instead of six months, why both spouses sometimes end up hiring attorneys who are just as combative as they are, and a real case where proving a retirement account did not exist cost another forty thousand dollars after a divorce that had already run three years and six hundred thousand dollars. They also talk through what a judge actually needs to see to deviate from a 50/50 custody split, why a recorded phone call can backfire in a two-party consent state like California, and which apps she recommends for keeping a clean written record.

Padideh also explains why online groups that push parents to mail judges anonymous packets about their case are encouraging something illegal, not just unwise, and what she tells clients who are being targeted by organized harassment campaigns for hiring her.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why the normal divorce timeline doesn't apply once the other spouse has a cluster B personality disorder
• Why courts now start from a 50/50 custody presumption, and what documentation it actually takes to move off it
• Why proving something doesn't exist, like a hidden account, can cost tens of thousands of dollars on its own
• Why bringing a new partner to court before your divorce is final can hurt your case
• What counts as documentation of abuse, and what a judge won't act on
• Why a recorded phone call can backfire in a two-party consent state
• Why online groups pushing anonymous letters to judges are encouraging something illegal, not just unwise
• Why attorneys who represent fathers are being targeted by organized harassment campaigns, and what that says about the gender assumptions in this space

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Her background: psychology, prosecuting child abuse cases, and her courtroom persona
5:00 Divorce rates for first and second marriages, and why a new partner in the courtroom hurts your case
9:00 "You're not divorcing who you married": recognizing a cluster B ex
15:00 What it costs, and why she screens clients before taking their case
19:00 Why these cases take one to five years, and the $40,000 fight to prove an account didn't exist
25:00 Legal abuse, staying out of court, and why you argue on facts, not emotion
31:00 Gender: covert vs. overt behavior, and what her own caseload shows
39:00 Why courts start at 50/50 custody now, and what documentation actually changes that
47:00 Recording laws, text messages, and the apps she recommends for building a case
53:00 The illegal pamphlet scheme, and why some attorneys are being targeted online

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay