The 4 Stages of Alcoholism with Vanessa Hilton-Barber

Episode 162

Vanessa is a writer, photographer and wild water swimmer.

Like so many of us she began drinking in her teens. That was the beginning of a habit that started off as fun but evolved into something much darker over the years.

In this episode

Vanessa divides her drinking career into phases:-
the Fun phase (15-19)
the Social phase (19-30)
the Fairly Desperate phase (30-39)
the I Need to Quit phase (39 onwards)
This pattern fits pretty well with the theory that 20 years of regular drinking will result in alcohol dependence
If you’d like to hear the science behind that theory then have a listen to my interview with Ken Middleton – episode 23 of Tribe Sober podcast – November 2020
Vanessa tried to moderate and did manage to cut down for periods.
However she was still binge drinking now and again so the dependence was still there.
Along with her moderation attempts of course she had some rules
She started a rule when she was at University and kept it going ever since. It was the 3 day rule. She would never drink more than 3 days in a row.
However she realises now that her 3 day rule actually kept her in a cycle of drinking and then withdrawal.
Here in South Africa there is a culture of binge drinking at the weekend
Vanessa explained that in her office they used to refer to Thursdays as "Steak Knife Thursdays" as everyone was “on edge” waiting to start drinking.
It was Covid that opened Vanessa’s eyes to the nation's love affair with alcohol.
Several alcohol bans meant that many people had to be creative about sourcing their alcohol.
She describes the moment during Covid when she had just a tot of whisky but it released such a strong craving that it made her realise she would have to make a change.
Vanessa discovered Tribe Sober and loved the support of the international community.
She did Dry July and loved watching the alcohol free days stack up on her tracker.
As she learned more about the harm that alcohol does she felt more and more motivated to go alcohol free.
So she did Sober October but still had periods of binge drinking.
At the beginning of 2021 Vanessa decided to try coaching – as a member of Tribe Sober she had been offered a free coaching session so decided to take it up.
She loved her coaching sessions with Lynette and by session 2 she had ditched the booze completely
We agreed that Lynette’s philosophy that we must get “comfortable with being uncomfortable” is a powerful one
By riding the discomfort and pushing through we will experience emotional growth and grow new neural pathways
One of the goals that Vanessa set during an early coaching session was that when she reached her first Soberversary she would share the strategies that had enabled her to quit.
That’s how her stunning book was born…TOTS which stands for the Other Twelve Steps
It is full of gorgeous illustrations which came from the doodles she would make during her coaching sessions – doodles she would develop further as she reflected on her learnings
She calls TOTS a string of sparkling gems and I couldn’t agree more
If you’d like a digital copy of TOTs just email membership@tribesober.com and we’ll send you a copy
In TOT’s you will find a description of the Hero’s journey along with its transformative challenges
Just like the hero we may stumble and fall on our journey but if we keep trying we will succeed
Our reward will be the gift of elixirs which will enable us to help others to do what we’ve done
Vanessa also refers to the book "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron in TOTs
We agreed that this book can be the key to unlocking our creativity and doing our daily morning pages can be a life chan

Published on 2 years, 7 months ago

Podcast Episode Details

The 4 Stages of Alcoholism with Vanessa Hilton-Barber