Episode Details

CONNECTION spells out ten things, and Clarissa Constantine has built an entire framework for staying close to a tween or teen on them: Create a safe place, Observe, Nonjudgment, Nod and smile, Explore, Challenge your truths, Take your time, Innovate, Own your own story, and Nurture. She wrote them for ordinary families. They hold up unusually well when one parent is working to turn a child against the other.

Our guest this episode is Clarissa Constantine, founder of the ParenT(w)een Connection and a coach who has worked with college-bound high school students for over twenty-four years through SAT and ACT preparation. She is upfront that she has no children of her own and is not offering to teach anyone how to parent. What she offers instead is two and a half decades of being the adult teenagers actually talk to, plus a network of specialists she brings to parents who need more than she can give them.

Clarissa and Lisa take the framework apart. Creating a safe place, and the answer Clarissa got repeatedly when she asked adults to describe theirs, which was that they had never had one. Brain development, and why a fifteen-year-old's body finishes years ahead of the part that regulates emotion. Observing well, which means naming emotions accurately and writing down what you notice so a doctor or a counselor gets a record rather than a mood. Nonjudgment, including the distinction between listening and obeying and the one between a child behaving badly and a child being told they are bad.

The rest is conversation mechanics: counting to thirty twice, asking open questions about their own life and staying off the subject of the other parent's house, and letting curiosity rather than hurt decide your reply. Then the harder three, which are challenging your own beliefs when they collide with who your kid actually is, accepting that changing the pattern makes things worse before better, and owning your part when you get it wrong. Clarissa ends where most parents in this community will not want to: you cannot show up as the parent you want to be if you are not taking care of yourself, and everyone here does everything for their kids and nothing for themselves.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• The ten Foundations of CONNECTION, and how each one applies in a high-conflict case
• What makes you a safe place for your child, and what happens when neither parent is
• Why brain development means some of the behavior is not your ex's doing
• How to track what you observe so a pediatrician or counselor gets facts, not feelings
• The difference between listening and obeying, and between behavior and identity
• Counting to thirty, open questions, and why you stay off the other parent's house
• Why changing the pattern makes things harder before it makes them better
• Owning your own story when you handle a moment badly, and repairing it

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why the village matters more once the kids hit middle school
5:00 The ten Foundations of CONNECTION, start to finish
8:00 Create a safe place, and the answer that surprised her
12:00 Brain development, and a body that finishes ahead of the brain
17:00 Taking the high road while your ex trashes you
19:00 Observe: naming emotions and tracking what you see
22:00 Lisa's son, the therapist, and the anger that was progress
30:00 Listening versus obeying, behavior versus identity
35:00 Nod and smile: count to thirty before you answer
43:00 Challenge your truths, and the phone call you want them to make
49:00 Take your time, own your own story, and nurture yourself

Keep going 💜
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