Episode Details

What Is Ejaculatory Control? According to one source, 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration. Not surprisingly, 88% of men report some concern over ejaculating too quickly, and almost all men (99% in one study) use some kind of strategy to delay ejaculation. If you are searching for how to control orgasm timing during sex, you are far from alone. Ejaculatory control is the ability to influence when you reach orgasm during sex. The related term, ejaculatory latency, refers to the time between penetration and ejaculation. When that window feels too short, or when it is affecting the quality of sex for you and your wife, it becomes a problem worth addressing [i]. The clinical term is premature ejaculation, though it is not always cleanly defined. By one widely used definition, premature ejaculation is only a problem if you or your wife feel it is affecting your sex life. Given that 88% of men carry some concern about this, it is worth understanding what the research actually says about what works, what does not, and what most men are missing entirely. At the request of one of our patrons, we went into the research literature to find out whether ejaculatory latency can be reliably extended. The short answer is yes. But the longer answer, which we will get to, is that the most effective path may not be the one you expect. A Quick Physiological Primer Before we look at strategies, it helps to understand a little about how arousal and ejaculation work. Sexual arousal moves through roughly four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution [viii]. During the excitement phase, blood flow increases, muscles begin to tense, and heart rate rises. In the plateau phase, everything intensifies and you approach the point of no return. Orgasm is the peak: a series of nerve and muscle responses that produce ejaculation. Resolution is the return to baseline, including the refractory period where arousal is temporarily not possible. Most ejaculatory control strategies work by interrupting the transition from plateau to orgasm, giving you more time in the plateau phase. Understanding this helps explain why some strategies work better than others, and why the mental and emotional dimensions matter more than most men realize. Strategies That Research Actually Supports A couple of notes before we get into these. First, this is a complex issue. Think of this article as a primer. Sex therapy really is a specialty within the counseling field, and there are books, resources, and therapists who can go much deeper with you. We are aiming primarily at husbands who are doing reasonably well during sex but feel they could improve the sexual satisfaction in their marriage with better ejaculatory control. Second, while some of these strategies seem straightforward, the interaction between physical, psychological, and relational factors makes this more nuanced than most articles let on. Stay with us to the end, because we are going to go a couple of layers deeper on everything. Regular Sex and Ejaculatory Latency A research study in 1984 [ii] found a link between long periods of abstinence from sex and lower ejaculatory latency. Longer stretches without sex cause men to ejaculate at lower levels of arousal. More regular sexual activity can help with ejaculatory control. This is where it gets complex immediately. If sex has not been going well because of this issue, your wife probably does not want more of the same experience. While we titled this "A Husband's Guide," a problem like this is best faced as a couple. Talking through what is happening and finding a way forward together is part of the solution, not just a preliminary step. Medication for Ejaculatory Control Various medications exist to improve ejaculatory control, such as the pill vardenafil and the topical spray PSD502. Both have research showing they increase ejaculatory latency and overall sexual satisfaction [iii]. These medications can also reduce performance anxiety, which