Episode Details

Learning about emotional and spiritual abuse is dangerous. 

You start to see patterns in your marriage, your family, your friendships, your church…and your faith. You start to understand why God often doesn’t feel safe. Why you feel like a constant disappointment. A regular failure. A busted, broken, rejection-worthy woman. 

You were taught that God is love…

And that God wants (and demands) perfection. That he loves you IN SPITE of you. That he has to look at Jesus to accept you. That negative emotions are a sign you’re in sin. And a high self-esteem (not hating yourself) is a sign you’re in other sin. That you deserve punishment even when you’re giving 100% to please him. 

There’s no winning…

…Until we explore the core of how we approach EVERY relationship in our lives: through attachment style. 

Krispin Mayfield and I explore healing our attachment to God:

• Why your faith struggles are likely not a lack of character but a result of poor theology (that you had no choice in learning)
• What attachment theory is and the three types of attachment
• How the three attachment types play out (with examples)
• A horrifying experiment that explains a lot of our freak-outs
• The connection between self-loathing and pleasing God (in most Christian communities)
• What’s so magical about getting things right only 30% of the time
• Resources for healing your attachment to God (see below)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

• Krispin’s amazing book that I couldn’t put down: Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience.
• Krispin’s podcast: Prophetic Imagination Station.
• My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. 
• Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. 
• Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.
• Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!
• Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, natalie@flyingfreenow.com, and we'll get you set up!) 

Krispin Mayfield is a licensed professional counselor and author of Attached to God.  He co-hosts the podcast The Prophetic Imagination Station with his wife, D.L. Mayfield, where they dissect evangelical media from the 80’s and 90’s.