Episode Details

I’m as guilty of this as anyone, but many of us make life more difficult than it needs to be. Achieving basic happiness, or at least avoiding what depresses us, might actually be quite simple.

Is happiness, simply, when reality exceeds expectation?

When I was a young man I was chronically ambitious. I would lie in bed as a student, dreaming about my future, making Faustian pacts, yet nothing would satisfy me. You could have offered me fame, glory, wealth, the keys to the city and more, and it would not have been enough. I wanted everything.

When we discussed our futures, my friend, Gideon, gifted and hugely competent, but not remotely ambitious, used to say: “I just want to be happy.” I thought that was loser talk. Looking back, he was probably right.

How often do you watch a film or a show because somebody was raving about it for it to turn out nothing like as good as you were hoping? You end up disappointed. But if you saw the same film with no or low expectations, and it’s pretty good, you might walk away feeling quite elated.

Life is the similar. If reality comes in below expectation then we end up disappointed. If it comes in above expectation then we end up happy. Hence this useful formula:

Reality > expectation = happiness

Expectation > reality = unhappiness

By this formula, then, to achieve happiness you should simply lower your expectations.

There is a lot to be said for that. But then there is also a lot to be said for ambition and optimism, which the mindset of low expectation negates.

Ultimately, this way of thinking boils down to perception. Your life is no different - it’s the same film - it’s just a matter of how you look at it. Thus should we practice gratitude.

Nevertheless, I’m not sure perennially low expectation is a way to live.

We are all animals

Despite what we may think of ourselves, no matter how cultured, we are, when all is said and done, animals.

If you keep a dog, you will know that, to be happy, a dog needs plenty of outdoor exercise and fresh air, regular and proper food, sleep, love and company. Absent any of these and the animal quickly becomes depressed. Human beings are the same. We have certain basic needs without which we end up depressed. The cause of depression is often (not always) the continued absence of one of these basics.

With that in mind, here are seven animal essentials we all need to be happy. If you are depressed, it’s not unlikely one of these is missing in your life. Get it back and you might find other things fall into place. (The problem with depression is that you lose the motivation to do so).

I’m not saying that you can’t be depressed or unhappy, if you have all of these things. You can. But a lot of the time, the cause is that one of these is absent. Get it back in your life, and you will find your depression sorts itself out.

1 Sun

The sun is the giver of all life on Earth, the source of all energy, of light, heat and gravity. Most of us do not get enough of it. We spend too much time indoors under artificial lights.

The darker your skin, the more sun you need - and sun can hard to come by in colder northern European climes - but you need sun, whether you’re light or dark. Our ancestors spent most of the day outdoors. When the opportunity presents itself, get plenty of sun, all over your body. We need sun.

Only use enough sun block to prevent burning. As soon as you can, wean yourself off.

A close family member got herself into the most terrible depressed state last winter. I’m convinced it’s because she did not see sunlight for months, instead lying in bed all day watching crap on her phone.

It’s no accident the sun is often depicted with a smile on his face. Get more sun.

2 Water

It’s as obvious a basic requirement as the sun, yet most of us don’t drink enough.

Got a bit of a